Cagefighting: Pick Mike Conley Jr. a New Mustache
I'll be honest, I prefer the spelling moustache. It just looks more dignified.
I'm far from an expert, though, since the most mustache I've ever carried is probably two days worth. Mike Conley Jr. is the king of this court, with one of the most finely groomed, but also totally goofy, 'staches in the Association. I really don't get why he's got it -- probably because he'd look like he's 17 without one, even though he looks like he's 18 with it.
If Little Mikey's ready to take the next step towards manhood, Chris and I have some serious suggestions:
Chris Wilson:
Mike Conley's current mustache is ridiculous. It only adds to my theory that he is a reincarnated Lamont from Sanford and Son.
Anyway, he should absolutely grow a new mustache, if not for any other reason to distinguish himself from Lamont. While some people hate Mike Conley to the point they would probably suggest 'the Hitler,' I won't go that far. Mine is a lesser know but still incredible mustache -- fierce, strong, and inspiring hatred. Yes, I'll take John Vukovich's from Major League. Vukovich was a member of the hated Yankees, who were the contstant antagonist of the lovable Cleveland Indians. Check out his monster:
If this doesn't strike fear into our enemies, I don't know what will.
Allen "djturtleface" Law:
First off, this is probably the hardest question I've faced in weeks, which is alright because I'm gearing back up for the academic life right now. I mean, there are just so many great, great moustaches out there. At first I thought Fu Man Chu, but it's like, Mike doesn't have time to grow that; he's going to be out of the league in three years.
So I'll take the next step down, The Stranger, from The Big Lebowski. Like Mike one day hopes to be, The Stranger is a sage in a peasant's clothes. Also, he closes out one of the greatest films in cinematic history. Mike Conley hopes to be allowed to close a pre-season game by next year.
The dude abides.
Cagefighting: The Ultimate Grizzlies Championship
In lieu of this week's "Weekly Wilson," since Chris is on the road working, I've chosen to debut a offseason project near and dear to my heart: The Ultimate Grizzlies Championship.
Spawned from a complete and utter lack of NBA news -- my cable is out right now, so I can't follow Rudy Gay and the national team as closely as I'd like with my reporting standards -- the UGC is truly the summer gimmick post for Memphis Grizzlies fans.
Here's the format: roughly every other day Chris Wilson and I will hold a totally serious, brief debate over such topical questions as:
Name the player least likely to enjoy spending a day with Three Six Mafia?
What is the biggest decoration on Ronald Tillery's desk?
What is O.J. Mayo's favorite book?
Alright, so maybe it's not that serious at all, but it is that time of the year. Anyway, after we each give our responses, there'll always be a poll on the bottom where you can vote on who had the better response. At the end we'll add them all up and there might be a prize or something. Maybe I'll buy Chris a trophy on Ebay, or make him find me a custom vintage "Rudy Gay" Grizzlies uniform.
Coming up tomorrow? Pick out a new mustache for Mike Conley Jr.
Grizzlies Fan Confidence Poll
Times are always a'changing here at Straight Outta Vancouver and SB Nation, and so today I've got a cute new feature of the site to announce.
This little bugger is called the 'Fan Confidence Poll.' Basically, as the name suggests, its meant to measure how you guys, the fans, are feeling about the Memphis Grizzlies over time.
For example, had people been voting after we let Ronnie Brewer walk for no reason, it would have dipped. When we signed Rudy Gay and Tony Allen, it should bump back up. After the Heisley-Chris Vernon interview, it might have bottomed out to zero. Once Xavier Henry is signed hopefully we'll be back to average.
Anyhow, vote your hearts out, because I think this is a really cool and useful feature, and it should help me structure my coverage a little bit.
Tom Ziller Mocks Michael Heisley in 'The Works'
Whether you like Michael Heisley or not -- and I know you don't -- you've got to admit Tom Ziller does a great job delivering some new cost saving ideas to Heisley in today's post.
The finest: "Want to really play hardball with Henry and his agent Arn Tellem? Renounce your rights to him. That will knock him off the salary scale, and once he realizes that no one else in the league thinks he's worth a damn [...] Henry will be begging you to sign him to a minimum contract."
Weekly Wilson: The Angry Post
Allow me to be one of many to congratulate Chris Vernon on a great interview yesterday with Grizzlies owner Michael Heisley. Vernon refused to back down to Heisley's bullying, demeaning attitude, and overall old-man-ness, and he is to be credited. Also, it's always nice when someone manages to completely validate your opinion of them simply by opening their own mouth.
First, a disclaimer, I work in the business world, and I am aware that Heisley clearly knows what he's doing when it comes to running a for-profit business. He wouldn't be a billionaire otherwise. All I'm saying is that in treating an NBA franchise like any other business, Heisley is grossly mismanaging a valuable asset, and in turn causing depression for thousands of people.
When the sale of the Grizzlies to the Laettner-Davis group fell through, Heisley pretty much came to the realization that he was stuck with this team for a good chunk of time. This business no longer fit the model of Heisley's specialty: taking a distressed asset, and flipping it for profit.
What failed to change, however, was Heisley's mindset. He's still treating the Grizz like another waste disposal or sewer treatment business, and not what it really is.
All of what I said is a prelude to today. As the resident Heisley hater on this blog, allow me to give 6 quick examples from Vernon's interview, in no particular order, why the owner of our favorite sports team is grossly incompetent, out of touch, rude, and overall just bad at owning a basketball team.
Michael Heisley Blows Up on Local Radio Host Chris Vernon
Grizzlies fans already have lots of reasons to hate their owner, as most do, so it's not like Michael Heisley needed to give them another.
And yet Heisley did just that this afternoon during an interview on the Chris Vernon Show, oftentimes yelling into the phone, accusing Chris Vernon of fabricating information, holding a tirade against the media in general, and just being as generally unlikeable as humanly possible.
If you didn't catch his rant live on the radio, you can find it on the website of 730 Fox Sports.
I'd pull out some quotes, but I don't want to deter anyone from listening to the whole thing themselves.
Topics covered include signing Xavier Henry, power sharing in the organization, the decision to draft Hasheem Thabeet, why Michael Heisley has taken over the front office, Hakim Warrick and Allen Iverson, and media sentiments on his reign of terror.
Incentive Details from the Xavier Henry Debacle Emerge
Did you wake up this morning and say to yourself, "Boy, I wish some information would leak that would prove the Xavier Henry contract situation is even more complex, and petty, then I already knew?" No? Too bad, because it's my job to at least try to hammer down the facts.
Yesterday Henry's super-agent Arn Tellem took his complaints to the Worldwide Leader in Sports to relatively little effect, as his comments didn't seem to cause too much stirring:
The agent, Arn Tellem, says the Grizzlies are trying to make Henry meet performance bonuses, such as making the rookie challenge at All-Star weekend or being named to one of the all-rookie teams. He says only one player out of more than 450 since the rookie salary scale was instituted in 1995 has agreed to a performance bonus.
"Basic fairness and equality are fundamental aspects of every positive organization-player relationship, and those concepts are totally absent from the Grizzlies' current proposal to Xavier," Tellem said.
Tellem said Henry would agree to bonuses that are frequently offered to reach the full 120 percent, such as taking part in conditioning programs or playing in the summer league, but said no other team in this draft had asked a player to accept a performance incentive.
One tree in the forest did fall down, though, over at the always excellent ShamSports.com. You see just the year before Sham had written this:
It's never really mentioned, because it's never really important, but most rookie scale contracts contain performance incentives. So widespread is it, in fact, that every first rounder signed this season has them except for Tyreke Evans, Jonny Flynn, Austin Daye, Eric Maynor, Darren Collison and Wayne Ellington. (Yes, even Blake Griffin has them.)
So of course Sham must be much dismayed to see that Tellem was claiming no rookies had ever signed contracts with performance incentives on ESPN, since that happens to be a bold face lie. There are specific examples of this, Ty Lawson had to play 800 minutes, James Anderson (Spurs draft pick this season) has lots of incentives and they can't even push him up to the total 120%.
Oh, that and other Tellem clients like Gerald Henderson, last year's 12th overall pick, have performance based incentives too.
Now today Ronald Tillery has apparently discovered the identity of said vomit-inducing incentives and, well, only one has even a modicum of difficulty:
Participation in summer league.
A two-week workout program with the team's training staff.
Satisfying one of the following: play in NBA rookie/sophomore game during All-Star weekend, or earn an all-rookie selection, or average 15 minutes in at least 70 games.
Yes, two of those three are conditions Tellem specifically stated were acceptable, although Henry has now failed to accomplish one of three because of the holdout and is coming dangerously close to not having enough time to complete the training program. In other words, if all three conditions have the same dollars attached, this fiasco could literally lose Henry money on the year.
Look I think Heisley is completely out of line for stretching this thing out as long as it has and is continuing to ruin the credibility of the franchise to future players, which isn't a good thing in the age of the free agent. He's still just as wrong as I've thought all along. This post is in absolutely no way meant to vindicate his evils.
This post is about making sure we recognize the shit Xavier Henry's agent Arn Tellem is pulling. This cat is beginning to look more and more the villain, beating Heisley at his own nefarious games. Tellem is lying to the press and potentially losing Henry cash over principles that seem to benefit the agent more than the client.
If it walks like a Scott Boras, quacks like a Boras, lies, cheats and schemes like a Boras, then it's probably an overpaid, greedy, super-agent.
Weekly Wilson: If Only Emmy's Were Larry O'Brien's
When your features stud emails you at 1 a.m. saying he's got a great idea, you say yes no matter what. I do not watch Mad Men, have no understanding, and don't know if any other readers do, but Chris Wilson write about it whenever he wants. - djturtleface
We are officially in the depths of the NBA offseason. Summer League is over, training camp hasn't started, and literally nothing of any interest is happening around the Memphis Grizzlies -- sorry Acie Law, no offence.
Since there's nothing else to talk about, I've decided to have a bit of fun with this week's column, and compare your favorite Grizzlies to yr favorite character's on AMC's hit drama Mad Men. I'm currently catching up on the acclaimed series that is in the middle of it's 4th season, and some of the similarities are downright scary. Without further ado, here we go:







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